hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
