So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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