everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
