I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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