1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
