I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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