Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
