we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
