Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
