A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
