I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
