So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
