Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
