i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Porn is love you can see.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
