I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
