What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
