these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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