i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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