We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
