if you like me you must not know who I am
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
