I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
