i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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