I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
