i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
