Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
