That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
