Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
