I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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