i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
