i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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