The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
