Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
