I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
