yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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