Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
