In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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