Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
