I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
