it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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