my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
