Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
