almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
