How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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