Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My pussy is not your playground.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
