She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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