So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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