Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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