I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
