I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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