a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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